When 23-year-old Radha spent a night under the stars at a camping site with Abhishek, she was convinced that he was the one. It broke her heart when he told her he was not ready for a relationship. So much that she lay in bed for days, emptying a fountain of tears wondering if she was good enough.

 

We all have experienced the sting of rejection in this big, bad world -from not being invited to a party to not scoring enough 'likes'. But does one failure determine the entire course of the future? Certainly not. "The dips in self-esteem and the feelings of poor self-worth can be traced back to one's childhood, especially in cases where one child is smarter than the other. There have been so many examples of kids being teased, bullied and made to feel worthless. These children refrain from taking the leap when they grow up, personally and professionally. So the first step to tacking rejection is to protect, revive and boost self-esteem," points out Dr Kashissh A. Chhabriaa, counselling psychologist and psychotherapist.

 

ACKNOWLEDGE IT, BUT DON'T DWELL ON IT

 

There's no way you cannot think about what happened. The adverse feeling is bound to resurface time and again.While it is important to acknowledge your emotions and face them head-on, make sure you don't keep talking about them forever as that will only breed the negative energy around you and prolong the pain. Evaluate what went wrong, figure out what you can do right the next time and move on. Convince yourself that it was no big deal and don't take things too personally. Nakshi Satra, certified Theta Healer, A Toast To Life, is known to turn her clients' hard-hitting negative stories into positive situations. "Feelings of failure or rejection bring with them a sea of negative emotions. But them, instead of negating we advise address our clients to and acknowledge than edge them. So rather asking a client to suck in their tears, we encourage them to cry it out. Once done, they're able to see things more clearly and in an objective manner. This also enables them to learn from their past experiences and broadens horizons for potential growth," she assures.

 

COMPASSION IS KEY

 

When everyone including her mother taunted Pune-based hairstylist Sayalee Dixit about her weight, she turned bulimic. "I tried everything from hot yoga to slimming belts.When nothing helped, I decided to eat to my heart's content and later make myself throw it all up. I've never abused my body as much as I have in the past one year," she confesses. As tempting as it might be to view yourself through the lens of self-criticism and beat yourself up for your deficiencies, psychologist Guy Winch, in his article on the popular international community TEDx, suggests that you don't. "The greatest damage rejection causes is usually self-inflicted. Just when our self-esteem is hurting most, we go and damage it even further," he quotes.

 

Know that you're precious. Maybe not for the long-term love who dumped you, but for so many others who think you're wonderful. "Eventually, I consulted a counsellor and began focusing on the good qualities in me -the fact that I was emotionally available for my friends when they needed me and that I cooked really well. These things helped me ignore my inner critic and rebuild my confidence," affirms Sayalee.

 

WRITING AS A THERAPY

 

30-year-old blogger Sana Khan was shattered when her boyfriend of six years one day told her that it was over between them. "He sent me a breakup text, switched off his phone and just disappeared. I suddenly realised that I had no plan in life without him and was swallowed by the abyss of depression. Slowly and steadily, I put the pieces back together and began scribbling my thoughts in a diary. That eventually gave birth to my blog. My friends and family motivated me to write more and it was truly therapeutic. I unfurled my love for travel, made a bucket list and started saving up. Today, I've an independent plan for my life, my objectives are clearer and I'm way stronger than I was," she narrates.

 

According to Nakshi, when you write, you're expressing your feelings at the subconscious level, which brings a sense of relief. Dr Chhabriaa is of a similar opinion, "I tell my clients to begin by writing down five good qualities about themselves, and rewrite them as many times as they can till it is internalised in the subconscious," she emphasises.

 

GO OUT, HAVE SOME FUN

 

Got stood up? Make a dinner plan with your folks or give your Mom a break and cook something for her.

 

She'll surely appreciate your effort. Your colleagues didn't invite you for a weekend getaway? Call your cousins and embark on a road trip. The point with is to spend time people who and are there for you truly appreciate your company. Remember that non-romantic friendships can sometimes be more fun than a romantic friendship. Even a midnight coffee with a reliable friend can be a surprisingly effective boost."A person, if emotionally involved, usually takes 18 months to heal post breakup. In that period, it is essential that he/she diverts his/her mind by engaging in a creative activity and or going out and mingling with people. It's however best to not keep in touch with people who bring back negative thoughts," warns Dr Chhabriaa.

 

"One of the most common causes for severe depression is a breakup. In so many cases, the girl and the boy fall in love during their late teens, get married in their early 20s and are done with each other before they turn 30. That's why I encourage young clients to first go out with a lot of people, talk to them and have fun before getting into a serious relationship. This gives them some time to know what suits them and what doesn't," says city-based psychiatrist Dr Kersi Chavda.